My Favorite Stupid TCC moments!!!
Parker sat in front of Noah as he perked up with a surprised face. Parker blinked at him. “What?” She asked. Noah began to grin brightly.
“Oh my god! River look!” Noah said. River slid into a seat next to Noah and stared at Parker with Noah. The same retarded smile grew on his face.
“What? What are you guys smiling about!?” Parker asked. Noah pinched Parker’s cheeks and shook her head, laughing.
“OH MY GOD! SHE JUST HAS THE MOST ADORABLE CHUBBY CHEEKS EVER!” Noah proclaimed. River nodded.
“They’re so cute!” River laughed.
“Stop it! I don’t have chubby cheeks! Stop teasing me! I have my dad’s thin cheeks!” Parker tried to say, but her words came out weird because of Noah was still pinching her cheeks.
“No you don’t! You have Aunt Paris’ chubby cheeks!” River proclaimed. “And they’re so cute! They’re like chipmunk cheeks!”
“Stop it! That’s not funny! I don’t have chubby cheeks! I don’t, I don’t, I don’t!” Parker cried. “Noah stop pinching them! You’re gonna bruise ‘em!”
Noah began to kiss all over Parker’s cheeks. “Oh god! I can’t take it! They’re so cute!” Noah laughed.
Parker struggled and tried to get out of Noah’s grasp. She noticed Dakota and scurried over to her. “DAKOTA! DO I HAVE CHUBBY CHEEKS?” She asked, devastated. Dakota pulled her earphones out of her head and sighed. She put the buds in Parker’s ears and covered them.
“Why are you teasing Parker about her white girl problems?” Dakota asked.
“It’s just adorable to see her all flustered and bothered,” Noah said with a smirk, putting his head above his interlocked fingers.
“Come on Dakota, you know its fun,” River proclaimed. Dakota uncovered Parker’s ears and unplugged her headphone.
“Yes Parker you do have chubby cheeks. They’re very chubby. Like a chubby baby,” Dakota said in her most teasingly cute motherly voice. She pinked Parker’s cheeks like Noah. Parker began to cry and ran off.
“DADDY!” She yelled.
Tyler and Bluey were talking when Carter walked in. Tyler turned to him, glaring. “Who let you back into the school Carter?” She asked.
“Paris,” Carter answered, calmly.
Tyler pointed towards the door. “Get out…” She hissed. Carter dropped his head.
“Okay,” He said as he walked out again.
The Fathers sat around drunk. Eli slumped limply in the bean bag as he gulped down another soda. He swallowed all twelve ounces and threw the can onto the ground. He laughed. “Bluey’s gonna kill me if she catches me drunk. I promised her I would never ever get drunk,” Eli chuckled. He then began to cry. “Oh god guys! I’m screwed! I love you guys!”
Prince leaned over from the couch and patted Eli’s head. “It’s okay…she can’t kill you. You’re her baby daddy. That’s why Tyler hasn’t killed me yet. I’m such a flipped up person,” Prince with a clearly intoxicated smile. He noticed Carter staring at the ceiling blankly.
“What’s wrong with you Carter?” Prince asked. Carter strained his neck to sit his head up.
“Honestly does anyone care what’s wrong with Blondie?” Khaaliq asked. He gulped down more soda and belched.
“Shut up Khaaliq! Does anyone even like you? You’re like the group’s resident jerkhole. So go someplace with your flamboyant curls,” Carter proclaimed as he flicked his wrist at Khaaliq. Khaaliq harrumphed and gulped down more soda. “Wanna know what my problem is? My girlfriend is too hot, my daughters are too pretty, my hair is too blond, my ears are too big, my cheeks are too hollow, I’m too skinny, and I’m too tall. I hate living.”
“Carter…you’re drunk. Give me the keys,” Jaafar mumbled.
“Hey, what happened to Blanket?” Prince asked. His little brother was unconscious on the chair.
“Do you want the long version or short version?” Robbie asked.
“I want you to tell me what happened to my little brother,” Prince proclaimed.
“Ok,” Garrett said. “…Blanket might be dead.”
“OH SNAP! PARIS IS GOING TO MURDER ME IF SHE FINDS OUT I LET BLANKET OD ON CAFFEINE!” Prince yelled as he stood up. He shook Blanket. “WAKE UP! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU GUYS!”
Blanket remained unresponsive. “We don’t know,” Eli mumbled.
“I can’t believe you didn’t notice. He’s been dead for like an hour now,” Khaaliq said.
“I, personally, just assumed you already knew, but I guess not,” Nathan interjected.
“Why are we just sitting here drinking then?” Prince asked.
“Prince, we started drinking before Blanket died,” Carter said.
“My little brother is dead on the chair! Aren’t we going to do something?” Prince asked.
“I think Blanket would prefer us being sober when we dispose of his corpse,” Jaafar mumbled, his words slurred.
“THAT CORPSE IS MY LITTLE BROTHER! YOUR COUSIN! AND A FATHER!” Prince yelled.
“Ok you know what Prince,” Robbie mumbled. “that corpse flaked out on an awesome night of being drunk. And I believe he still owes all of us five dollars.”
“This is…I’m, I’m calling the cops on you guys,” Prince proclaimed.
“Prince don’t you understand? No one can know about this. If the cops come, they’ll arrest you too,” Garrett said.
“Then what should we do!” Prince asked. The boys sat and thought about it.
“Call our wives for help perhaps?” Carter suggested. Everyone stared at him like he was crazy. “You’re right that’s stupid…”
“We have to get rid of the evidence,” Nathan proclaimed. “Dude! We can toss him into Lake Elkhorn! It’s so polluted in there that no one will see him at the bottom!”
“Perfect!”
The boys stood around the lake, Blanket lying unconscious in front of them. “Alright Blanket. I’m not very good at eulogies. I only ever had to do dad’s,” Prince proclaimed. He then looked around. “But since there are no hot girls to impress with my sensitivity, I don’t really feel obliged to.”
“I tied the anchor to his feet,” Khaaliq proclaimed.
“Did you go through his wallet?” Eli asked.
“Yup, there was forty-five dollars. Five for each of us,” Khaaliq proclaimed as he split the money up.
“Was it really that difficult just to give it to us Blanket?” Robbie asked.
“Are we really doing this?” Prince asked. All the other boys nodded.
“Let’s just get this over with. Our rental on The Town is going to expire in thirty minutes on ‘On Demand’,” Carter proclaimed. Jaafar kicked Blanket in.
“Y’know. We never did check to see if he was actually dead,” Garrett proclaimed.
“Whatever. Let’s go,” Nathan said as he began to walk away. Everyone followed him. Suddenly the sound of splashing hit there ears.
“GUYS! Why am I in water!” Blanket yelled.
“HE’S ALIVE!” The boys cheered.
Tyler tossed Aubrey and Josiah an egg which the two fumbled around with. Eventually they caught it together and looked at Tyler. The sadistic mother grinned at the two and winked. “I think we all know what project we are going to do,” Tyler said. “The infamous egg project. You and your partner will be raising an egg.”
“WHAT! NO! NO! NO! I am not being Noah’s baby daddy!” River yelled. “Mom! This is so not cool! Why can’t I be paired with Dakota?”
“Who said you were the man in this relationship River?” Noah asked. “Now go make me a sandwich woman.”
River growled at Noah.
“You can’t be paired with Dakota, because Dakota has the flu and isn’t allowed back at school for a week. Also because I just love watching you children squirm,” Tyler said and then burst out with maniacal laughter. Lightning struck the ground behind and thunder roared, as the children watched in horror. “Anyways, about the project. You have to raise this child like it is your actual child! Any crack or dent will be deducted from your grade, and after all this you have to write a reflection on your time as a teen parent.”
“I want a divorce!” River yelled.
“Who said we were married River,” Noah said with a naughty smirk.
“No divorces! I didn’t divorce your dad when times got rough,” Tyler proclaimed.
“Yes you did! Like five times!” River shouted.
“Technicalities,” Tyler said as she rolled her eyes. She then clapped with joy. “Okay! Let’s pick out names. Bri Bear, Josie, you guys start first!”
“Uh…I don’t know…Giovanni?” Aubrey suggested. Josiah shrugged.
“I don’t care. It’s just an egg,” Josiah mumbled. Aubrey glared at him. “I mean…It’s our very important child that we must take care of with our lives!”
The whole class sat around KC and asking him to speak in his British accent. Noah was the only angry one. “River, you have to hate this! No one’s paying you any attention!” Noah snarled. River shushed him and turned his attention back to KC.
“KC say Hogwarts again,” River sighed.
KC smiled and in his British accent said, “Hogwarts.”
River and all the girls in the class squealed like crazy. Noah growled and sat back in his seat angrily.
River and Dakota skipped out of the candy store with bags of candy. Dakota giggled as they walked out in the snow. “Best anniversary day so far right?” River asked as he pulled Dakota through the snow.
“It would be so much better if we eloped,” Dakota laughed.
“Noah can be best man, and Jake can be our minister,” River added.
“And my dad will probably be mad so Josiah will walk me down the aisle,” Dakota said.
“and you’ll look so beautiful in a white dress with traces of gold,” River said.
“At the end of the aisle will be you looking so handsome in neatly pressed suit, pinstripe of course, and we’ll say our vows,” Dakota proclaimed.
“Planning the wedding already lovebirds?” Noah asked. The couple turned their heads to see Noah dressed in his winter clothes. His black curls were kept under control with a white beanie. He wore a white winter jacket with his zipped up hoodie underneath. He looked like a panda bear, black and white. His dark hand held Parker’s who smiled at her cousin and best friend. “See, Parker and I like to take things slow. We’re buying the cake next month,” Noah teased.
River, Dakota, Noah, and Parker all sat awkwardly at the table. “So…this isn’t awkward. Just me and Noah and...I MEAN RIVER! RIVER! Because I love River and hate Noah! Because River’s my boyfriend and I love my boyfriend!” Dakota yelled.
“Uh…I love you too Dakota,” River chuckled. “You okay?”
“Just awesome!” Dakota cackled hysterically as she began to eat her noodles like a vacuum. She shoved them in her mouth faster than she could fly. River looked at her confused and then eyed Noah suspiciously who also seemed on edge.
“You know, I always wondered. Why do you and Dakota hate each other?” Parker asked Noah unknowingly, this caused Noah to freak out.
“I don’t even remember exactly! She sucks. I hate her. Parker your so great,” Noah said quickly and he went to eating his noodles like Dakota. He stopped momentarily and pointed down at his noodles. “This is good.”
“You guys are acting weird,” River said. He squinted his eyes in suspicion. He zoned in on Noah and Dakota and then a heart formed around them as it hit him. He began to scream like a maniac. “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOD LORD!”
“What?” Parker asked. River made Parker squint and the same thing River saw, she saw. She began to scream the same way. “OH MY GOOD GOD!”
“What? What is wrong with you guys?” Noah asked.
“Did you guys…did you guys go out?” River asked. Dakota and Noah went pale. Noah ran his fingers through his hair angrily.
“Shoot…they found out…” He mumbled.
River squealed in horror. “OH MY GOOD GOSH! I KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU!” River yelled as he pointed to Noah. He began to retch. “EW! I’VE TECHNICALLY KISSED NOAH! EW! EW! OH GOD!”
“And that means I kissed Dakota!” Parker shouted. “EW!”
“This is the worse double date ever and its all your fault Noah!” River hissed.
“My fault! She’s the one who seduced me back in sixth grade,” Noah shouted.
“I seduced you! You’re the one who offered me cookies!” Dakota snarled. She rubbed his hands down her waist seductively. “You know I’m a curvy girl who loves her sweets.”
“You gave Dakota cookies! How come you’ve never offered me cookies!” Parker yelled.
“Because you said that you can’t eat cookies because you’ll get fat!” Noah yelled.
“I will, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the thought!” Parker cried.
“God, Jacksons! I swear you’re all insane psychopaths!” Noah snarled as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. He turned away from the group angrily.
“River, really its not that big of a deal,” Dakota said. “You and Parker are making a scene.”
River hissed. “Yeah well, You had you’re tongue in my best friend’s mouth,” River mumbled.
“Wow River that’s harsh,” Noah said.
“Shut up! No one asked you Noah! You had your tongue in her mouth too!” River shouted. “God I can’t believe this!”
“Calm down River it wasn’t anything serious. It was just experimentation. It was nothing to me,” Dakota said. “Besides I didn’t even know how to French kiss in sixth grade.”
Noah looked hurt. “Nothing?” He asked. He stood up angrily. “Nothing to you Dakota! Really? Why are you such a liar? You were obsessed with me! That’s why I hate you, because you haven’t told a truthful thing in your life!”
Everyone at the table stared at Noah in shock. “Oh and River, she didn’t know how to French Kiss in sixth grade, I taught her at the end of the year,” Noah said with a naughty smirk. “You’re welcome.”
The darker hair boy stomped away as everyone stared in awe.
The boys watched from the other side of the boat as Josiah nervously sat next to Aubrey. “He just needs some help. Maybe if we set the mood,” Jai said.
“Ay look, I’m on it,” Noah proclaimed as he narrowed his eyes seductively. “I know how to set the mood…Check it out…”
“Get it, Get it, Get it, Get it, Get it, Girl. Get, the get, get it, get it girl. Take her, Take her to the flow. Show her, show her, how you roll. Drop it, Drop, Drop it, Drop it low, Drop, Drop, Drop it low,” Noah sang.
“What kind of mood is he trying to set?” Mikey asked. River sighed.
“Yo Noah, a little too aggressive. I ain’t trying to hate on your creativity, but I got this one,” River proclaimed.
“Help you? Why would I help you! The man who got my girlfriend captured, started this war, and got my dad killed! What do you think my dad would do if you asked him the same question?!” Alexander snarled to Noah.
Noah grinned. “River? Oh, he’d probably punch me in the face,” Noah said, “And then he’d help me.”
Alexander grinned. “Wow, you really know my dad,” Alexander chuckled. “I’ll help you.”
“You’re afraid of Santa Claus?” Dakota asked, giggling a little bit.
“You’ll be afraid too when you think about! I mean the man sees you when your sleeping, and knows when your awake!” River proclaimed. “Think of all the times he was watching us change and stuff.”
All the teens looked freaked out now. In the background Santa Claus glared at River, and then disappeared into the shadows.
“How’d that gnome get in here?” River asked.
“I thought you or Noah put it there or something,” Kallisté proclaimed. Noah shook his head.
“I didn’t put that gnome there…” He said.
“So its agreed, we’re all sleeping with axes tonight,” River proclaimed.
“What the crap Santa Claus! I give you a plate of cookies and you freaking give me socks!” River complained. Santa hid in the doorway and chuckled to himself.
“Ho. Ho. Ho,” He laughed lowly. River turned around, thinking he heard something, but Santa Claus was gone.
“Why are you checking behind the shower curtains?” Rasputin asked Aubrey.
“Just making sure there’s no evil serial killers behind them,” Aubrey said.
“Okay…and what are you going to do when there actually is a serial killer behind the curtain?” Rasputin asked. Aubrey shrugged.
“Hmm…Non-flammable,” Noah said as he picked up a hoodie. “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!” He yelled. He looked around and lit his hand on fire. He was about to light the sweater on fire, but River knocked it out of his hands.
“No! Bad Noah,” He scolded.
Tyler and River stared questioningly at the knife and pan in front of her. “Okay, knife that can cut through anything, and unbreakable Tupperware…” She said. River nodded.
“10 dollars on the knife.”
“10 on the pan,” Tyler said.
“Let the battle begin!” River yelled as Tyler tried to cut the pan with the knife, while River cheered for the knife.
Parker watched as pretty girls walked by. She elbowed Noah. “Do you think she’s pretty?” Parker asked.
“What do you mean?” Noah asked.
“It’s a simple question Noah, do you think she’s pretty?”
“…uh…” Noah looked at the girl again. “No……”
“So you don’t think white girls are pretty?”
“NO! NO! PARKER YOU’RE GORGEOUS! I guess she’s a little pretty…” Noah proclaimed.
“So you think she’s prettier than me?!” Parker whined.
“NO! PARKER! I DIDN’T––“ Noah began as Parker stomped away. “GAH! She’s so high maintenance!”
“Kenton, if Ian had 11 boxes of chocolate, and he ate 9, what does he have left?” A teacher asked.
Kenton shrugged, with a confused face. “umm…I don’t know…type 1 diabetes?”
The girls in the class giggled. The teacher glared at him. “Kendall. If I have three bottles in one hand and five in the other, what do I have.”
“A drinking problem?”
The kids all chuckled. “Okay, if you guys want to be smart, I’ll just tell your mother.”
Tyler sat in math class as her teacher went on about a velocity problem. “Wait! Wait! Wait! If a man is falling out a building shouldn’t we be helping him instead of trying to find the velocity at which he is falling! We don’t have time for this!’ Tyler yelled. Her cell phone began to ring. She answered it. “Hello?…okay…he said what? Well he would probably have type 1 diabetes if he ate nine boxes of chocolate…okay…okay I’m coming.”
“Noah, I was looking through the lost and found and I found your jeans,” River said. Noah looked confused.
“Your point?” Noah asked.
“How did they get in there?” River asked. Noah opened his mouth, but River interrupted him, “On second thought, I don’t wanna know.”
“Aubrey, you’re paper is blank,” Tyler sighed.
“It’s not blank mom. I was painting with the colors of the wind,” Aubrey proclaimed. “You did say use your imagination.”
Tyler chuckled and ruffled Aubrey’s hair. “Such a smart girl.”
“Man! I’m late for class!” Noah said as he began to run through the hallway, KC began to run after him.
“It’s okay, I’ll cover you,” KC said. When Noah got to class, Tyler looked at him and KC angrily.
“You’re late Noah,” She said.
“We’re sorry Aunt Tyler…Platform 9 3/4 closed down early today so Noah and I thought we could make it on time if we took our dad's flying car to school, but then we got to school and the car got destroyed by the whomping willows, and that’s why he’s late to class,” KC said. Tyler giggled.
“He said whomping willows. Oh KC I love you and your mother’s British accents. Noah your excused,” Tyler said.
“Thanks Aunt Tyler!” Noah exclaimed happily, he took his usual seat next to River.
“Oh come on Aubrey,” A boy said. “Why are you being so hard to get?”
“I’ll stop being so hard to get, when you stop being so hard to want,” Aubrey hissed. She eyed her brother in the seat across from her, flirting with the two girls near him.
“Ah!” Noah yelled as the alarm clock rang loudly in his ears. “NO!”
River came in with a baseball bat, he waved it around. “What! What!” He yelled.
“Now I'll never know if I got that unicorn blood from the singing hippo! Darn you alarm clock!” He shouted angrily. River lowered his bat with a smile.
“Noah, you’ve been eating a new piece of gum every ten minutes, and I haven’t seen you spit any out. You do know they stay in your digestive system for seven years right?” River asked.
“This is my last one River, I promise,” Noah proclaimed as he put one more piece in. He and River stood there for a while, as Noah chewed. The boy slowly began to get another piece.
“Give it to me,” River said as Noah sighed and handed him the box.
Siobhan pushed Aubrey in Josiah’s arms as Josiah smiled down at her. “Hey Aubrey. We gotta stop meeting like this,” Josiah chuckled. “You’re so klutzy.”
Siobhan face-palmed herself. “Josiah! When a girl gets pushed into your arms it means she likes you!” She yelled. Aubrey blushed, Josiah looked oblivious.
“Santa’s coming soon! Santa’s coming soon!” The twins yelled. Shannon leaned down to them.
“Guys, Santa’s not real,” She said. Kenton and Kendall just glared at her.
“Neither is Edward Cullen,” They said. Shannon’s jaw dropped in horror as she fainted.
“Yeah, see Aunt Shannon,” Kenton said.
“We were less disappointed than you,” Kendall said.
Aubrey sat in Social Studies, and Tyler went on about Europe. She said something about a Euro, which caused one girl to raise her hand. “Is a Euro a sandwich?” She asked.
Aubrey made an annoyed groaning noise and glared at her. “Really?! How are you in the Seventh Grade, let alone GT?” She mumbled. She rolled around groaning. “Gah!”
“Aubrey stop being so immature!” The girl proclaimed.
Aubrey elbowed Siobhan. “…Guess whose not invited into our treehouse,” She said. The girls did the Regular Show, “OH!” laughing.
Aubrey got up in her face, “What now!” She yelled.
“Aubrey, how do you get so many boys?” Siobhan asked.
“It’s easy Siobhan…” Aubrey said. She magically transformed into her Gangsta gear. “My pokemon bring all the boys to the yard. And there like do you wanna trade cards, and I’m like, yeah I wanna trade cards. I can trade you, but not my charizard.”
Siobhan giggled.
“Noah, you’re drunk,” River proclaimed. Noah leaned against River with a drunk smile.
“You’re sexy,” Noah giggled. River rolled his eyes. She grabbed Noah’s shoulders and held him away from him.
“Noah, you’re slurring,” River said.
“I’m not slurring, I’m speaking in cursive,” Noah mumbled.
“You threw a sock at a midget and yelled ‘Be free Dobby’!” River yelled.
“I’m not that drunk,” Noah muttered.
“YOU THREW THE TWINS’ HAMSTER AND YELLED ‘Go Pikachu Go’!” River yelled.
“Oh dang, I’m pretty drunk,” Noah proclaimed.
Noah and River stood on carts on opposite ends of the Crowded Mart aisle. They both held pool noodles, and wore bike helmets. “You ready for this Noah?” River asked.
“You know it,” Noah proclaimed. Mikey and Jai got ready to push the boys carts.
“Ready,” Aubrey said. “Set. Go!”
With a strong push Noah and River were heading towards each other. Their carts crashed as they both fell off. “What the flip are you two doing?” Tyler asked.
“Jousting,” River answered, gritting his teeth a bit in pain.
“We’re in a store guys,” Tyler sighed.
“You’re one to talk mom, you’re the one playing Michael Jackson: The Experience on the Connect,” Aubrey said. Tyler looked at the Connect game on pause behind her.
“Carry on then,” She proclaimed.
“Hey River, check it,” Noah said, he slid to his knees on the snow and pretended to play the guitar. River broke off too icicles and acted out playing a drum solo. “Hey Parker, you can be our lead, wanna join?” Noah asked. Parker giggled.
“No thanks Noah, I’m enjoying myself just watching,” Parker said.
“Come on Parker,” River said. “We’ll act out playing Miracle, I know that’s your favorite song.”
“Okay maybe, but just the beginning,” Parker proclaimed. She broke off a large, fat icicle and gathered some snow. She rolled it into a ball, and put it on top of her icicle, to make it a microphone.
Parker and Dakota sat around at the bar drunk. Parker hiccupped and then laughed. She leaned closer to Dakota. “Hey…Hay Koda, you now what we going to dew today?” Parker asked.
“No, what?” Dakota asked, just as equaled drunk.
“We gonna get drunk!” Parker exclaimed as she poked Dakota in the shoulder.
“Already done that,” Dakota proclaimed.
“I’m not finish! I’m not finish! We gonna get drunk, and we gonna find some real men, unlike the pansies we have at home. We gonna find some real men, and we gonna have a good time! Just you and me…and this jug of fizzy stuff! And River, and Noah…And Noah, and…they can…they can….go, go…leave! Because, we don’t need them! I don’t need him! I’m co-leader of the Angels, I can fly! I can…I can…Dakota you’re my best friend,” Parker ranted. She then passed out, falling out of her chair in the process. Dakota laughed at her and then passed out at the bar.
River and Tyler stood in the bathroom getting ready. “River, you should start watching what you put in your mouth,” Tyler proclaimed. “You are what you eat.”
“Really. I don’t remember eating a sexy beast,” River said as he made a pose in the mirror. Tyler smacked him upside the head.
“NO!” She yelled.
“Expect the unexpected Aubrey,” River said.
“But doesn’t expecting the unexpected, make the unexpected expected?” Aubrey asked.
The siblings stood in silence for a while in confusion. “What?” River asked. Aubrey shrugged.
“Hey mom what are you doing?” River asked.
“I haven’t done anything productive in days,” Tyler hissed. River raised an eyebrow.
“Why?”
“Three days ago, I looked up Leo Baskerville so I could get more pictures of him, because I only have seven. But when I googled it, a video came up called “My Lord, Leo Baskerville”, so I clicked on it. When I went on Youtube, I saw an Elliot video, and you know how I am with Elliot. Next thing I know I’ve been on Youtube for seventy two hours straight….That website is so evil….” Tyler said.
“You’ve been staring at your computer for seventy hours straight?” River asked.
Tyler laughed hysterically. “Yeah….”
“Watch River. I’m psychic. I’m either gonna explode or ruin you and Dakota’s picnic,” Noah said. The three were silent for a while. Noah suddenly jumped on to the picnic blanket and ruined the food.
“Noah! You ruined our picnic!” Dakota yelled.
Noah sat up and did jazz hands. “Psychic…” He mumbled.
Bluey and Karsyn sat admiring Khaaliq as he talked about running from the police with JJ. Tyler walked up to the two and then looked at Khaaliq. All she could see was stupidity and lack of manliness. “I don’t see it,” She said.
“See what?” Bluey asked, breaking her trance.
“WHAT THE HECK YOU SEE IN HIM!” Tyler yelled.
“If you were in one of the bands who are in CGI and stuff, which characters would you be?” Noah asked.
“Like in the Gorrillaz or something?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah.”
“I’d be 2D for sure,” River said.
“Why? He has no eyes, they’re just black sockets…” Noah said.
“Yeah! It’s so awesome!” River exclaimed.
“It creeps the crap out of me. It reminds me of Nox when his eyes turn all black,” Noah said. Nox appeared next to Noah, his eyes glowing with blackness. He wrapped his arm around and pressed his cheek against his host.
“Creeps the crap out of you Noah?” Nox whispered seductively into Noah’s ear as the boy screamed like banshee and jumped into River’s arms with horror.
“I don’t know who’s gayer, Nox for doing that, or Noah for jumping into River’s arms,” Jai said.
“SHUT UP!” Noah yelled, still in River’s arms.
“Nox! Solis! Can you teach us how to get ladies!?” Kingston yelled as he, Jackson, and Calvin ran up to the free and roaming gods.
“Why us?” Nox asked. Calvin took in a deep breath of air, so he could tell the whole story.
“Well, we went to Uncle Eli, but he told us to go to, Anthony and KC, but they told us, to see Noah, but then he told us that he was busy and that it was time for lunch. So then we had macaroni and cheese. And then we asked Noah again, and he told us to ask Mikey and Jai, so then we asked Mikey and Jai, and they told us, to ask Uncle Prince, and then we asked Uncle Prince, who told us to ask River, and then we asked River and he told us to ask you guys!” Calvin explained.
Solis hummed with thought, “You guys have had quite the day haven’t you?”
The boys nodded.
“Well, I can’t teach you my methods of getting women, because your mothers would probably despise me afterwards, and Solis here knows nothing of flirting, so I don’t see how asking us can help you guys,” Nox said.
“Sorry boys,” Solis said with a shrug. The boys all groaned.
“Try asking a girl for some Lady advice,” Nox said.
“Why would we ask a girl, how to get a girl?” Jackson asked. Solis bent down so that he was near the same height as the boys.
“Who would know more about what a lady likes then a lady herself?” The Sun God proclaimed.
“True!” Jackson yelled.
“But who should we ask?” Calvin asked.
“A lady that a lot of men wanna get with. I would suggest one of the Clark girls,” Nox said his eyes glowing black. “Dakota and Bluey are fine looking.”
“HEY THAT’S MY MOM AND SISTER YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Kingston snarled.
“We should ask Dakota! River, Solis and Vincent all wanna be with her! She’s an expert!” Calvin said.
“Oh my god! River look!” Noah said. River slid into a seat next to Noah and stared at Parker with Noah. The same retarded smile grew on his face.
“What? What are you guys smiling about!?” Parker asked. Noah pinched Parker’s cheeks and shook her head, laughing.
“OH MY GOD! SHE JUST HAS THE MOST ADORABLE CHUBBY CHEEKS EVER!” Noah proclaimed. River nodded.
“They’re so cute!” River laughed.
“Stop it! I don’t have chubby cheeks! Stop teasing me! I have my dad’s thin cheeks!” Parker tried to say, but her words came out weird because of Noah was still pinching her cheeks.
“No you don’t! You have Aunt Paris’ chubby cheeks!” River proclaimed. “And they’re so cute! They’re like chipmunk cheeks!”
“Stop it! That’s not funny! I don’t have chubby cheeks! I don’t, I don’t, I don’t!” Parker cried. “Noah stop pinching them! You’re gonna bruise ‘em!”
Noah began to kiss all over Parker’s cheeks. “Oh god! I can’t take it! They’re so cute!” Noah laughed.
Parker struggled and tried to get out of Noah’s grasp. She noticed Dakota and scurried over to her. “DAKOTA! DO I HAVE CHUBBY CHEEKS?” She asked, devastated. Dakota pulled her earphones out of her head and sighed. She put the buds in Parker’s ears and covered them.
“Why are you teasing Parker about her white girl problems?” Dakota asked.
“It’s just adorable to see her all flustered and bothered,” Noah said with a smirk, putting his head above his interlocked fingers.
“Come on Dakota, you know its fun,” River proclaimed. Dakota uncovered Parker’s ears and unplugged her headphone.
“Yes Parker you do have chubby cheeks. They’re very chubby. Like a chubby baby,” Dakota said in her most teasingly cute motherly voice. She pinked Parker’s cheeks like Noah. Parker began to cry and ran off.
“DADDY!” She yelled.
Tyler and Bluey were talking when Carter walked in. Tyler turned to him, glaring. “Who let you back into the school Carter?” She asked.
“Paris,” Carter answered, calmly.
Tyler pointed towards the door. “Get out…” She hissed. Carter dropped his head.
“Okay,” He said as he walked out again.
The Fathers sat around drunk. Eli slumped limply in the bean bag as he gulped down another soda. He swallowed all twelve ounces and threw the can onto the ground. He laughed. “Bluey’s gonna kill me if she catches me drunk. I promised her I would never ever get drunk,” Eli chuckled. He then began to cry. “Oh god guys! I’m screwed! I love you guys!”
Prince leaned over from the couch and patted Eli’s head. “It’s okay…she can’t kill you. You’re her baby daddy. That’s why Tyler hasn’t killed me yet. I’m such a flipped up person,” Prince with a clearly intoxicated smile. He noticed Carter staring at the ceiling blankly.
“What’s wrong with you Carter?” Prince asked. Carter strained his neck to sit his head up.
“Honestly does anyone care what’s wrong with Blondie?” Khaaliq asked. He gulped down more soda and belched.
“Shut up Khaaliq! Does anyone even like you? You’re like the group’s resident jerkhole. So go someplace with your flamboyant curls,” Carter proclaimed as he flicked his wrist at Khaaliq. Khaaliq harrumphed and gulped down more soda. “Wanna know what my problem is? My girlfriend is too hot, my daughters are too pretty, my hair is too blond, my ears are too big, my cheeks are too hollow, I’m too skinny, and I’m too tall. I hate living.”
“Carter…you’re drunk. Give me the keys,” Jaafar mumbled.
“Hey, what happened to Blanket?” Prince asked. His little brother was unconscious on the chair.
“Do you want the long version or short version?” Robbie asked.
“I want you to tell me what happened to my little brother,” Prince proclaimed.
“Ok,” Garrett said. “…Blanket might be dead.”
“OH SNAP! PARIS IS GOING TO MURDER ME IF SHE FINDS OUT I LET BLANKET OD ON CAFFEINE!” Prince yelled as he stood up. He shook Blanket. “WAKE UP! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU GUYS!”
Blanket remained unresponsive. “We don’t know,” Eli mumbled.
“I can’t believe you didn’t notice. He’s been dead for like an hour now,” Khaaliq said.
“I, personally, just assumed you already knew, but I guess not,” Nathan interjected.
“Why are we just sitting here drinking then?” Prince asked.
“Prince, we started drinking before Blanket died,” Carter said.
“My little brother is dead on the chair! Aren’t we going to do something?” Prince asked.
“I think Blanket would prefer us being sober when we dispose of his corpse,” Jaafar mumbled, his words slurred.
“THAT CORPSE IS MY LITTLE BROTHER! YOUR COUSIN! AND A FATHER!” Prince yelled.
“Ok you know what Prince,” Robbie mumbled. “that corpse flaked out on an awesome night of being drunk. And I believe he still owes all of us five dollars.”
“This is…I’m, I’m calling the cops on you guys,” Prince proclaimed.
“Prince don’t you understand? No one can know about this. If the cops come, they’ll arrest you too,” Garrett said.
“Then what should we do!” Prince asked. The boys sat and thought about it.
“Call our wives for help perhaps?” Carter suggested. Everyone stared at him like he was crazy. “You’re right that’s stupid…”
“We have to get rid of the evidence,” Nathan proclaimed. “Dude! We can toss him into Lake Elkhorn! It’s so polluted in there that no one will see him at the bottom!”
“Perfect!”
The boys stood around the lake, Blanket lying unconscious in front of them. “Alright Blanket. I’m not very good at eulogies. I only ever had to do dad’s,” Prince proclaimed. He then looked around. “But since there are no hot girls to impress with my sensitivity, I don’t really feel obliged to.”
“I tied the anchor to his feet,” Khaaliq proclaimed.
“Did you go through his wallet?” Eli asked.
“Yup, there was forty-five dollars. Five for each of us,” Khaaliq proclaimed as he split the money up.
“Was it really that difficult just to give it to us Blanket?” Robbie asked.
“Are we really doing this?” Prince asked. All the other boys nodded.
“Let’s just get this over with. Our rental on The Town is going to expire in thirty minutes on ‘On Demand’,” Carter proclaimed. Jaafar kicked Blanket in.
“Y’know. We never did check to see if he was actually dead,” Garrett proclaimed.
“Whatever. Let’s go,” Nathan said as he began to walk away. Everyone followed him. Suddenly the sound of splashing hit there ears.
“GUYS! Why am I in water!” Blanket yelled.
“HE’S ALIVE!” The boys cheered.
Tyler tossed Aubrey and Josiah an egg which the two fumbled around with. Eventually they caught it together and looked at Tyler. The sadistic mother grinned at the two and winked. “I think we all know what project we are going to do,” Tyler said. “The infamous egg project. You and your partner will be raising an egg.”
“WHAT! NO! NO! NO! I am not being Noah’s baby daddy!” River yelled. “Mom! This is so not cool! Why can’t I be paired with Dakota?”
“Who said you were the man in this relationship River?” Noah asked. “Now go make me a sandwich woman.”
River growled at Noah.
“You can’t be paired with Dakota, because Dakota has the flu and isn’t allowed back at school for a week. Also because I just love watching you children squirm,” Tyler said and then burst out with maniacal laughter. Lightning struck the ground behind and thunder roared, as the children watched in horror. “Anyways, about the project. You have to raise this child like it is your actual child! Any crack or dent will be deducted from your grade, and after all this you have to write a reflection on your time as a teen parent.”
“I want a divorce!” River yelled.
“Who said we were married River,” Noah said with a naughty smirk.
“No divorces! I didn’t divorce your dad when times got rough,” Tyler proclaimed.
“Yes you did! Like five times!” River shouted.
“Technicalities,” Tyler said as she rolled her eyes. She then clapped with joy. “Okay! Let’s pick out names. Bri Bear, Josie, you guys start first!”
“Uh…I don’t know…Giovanni?” Aubrey suggested. Josiah shrugged.
“I don’t care. It’s just an egg,” Josiah mumbled. Aubrey glared at him. “I mean…It’s our very important child that we must take care of with our lives!”
The whole class sat around KC and asking him to speak in his British accent. Noah was the only angry one. “River, you have to hate this! No one’s paying you any attention!” Noah snarled. River shushed him and turned his attention back to KC.
“KC say Hogwarts again,” River sighed.
KC smiled and in his British accent said, “Hogwarts.”
River and all the girls in the class squealed like crazy. Noah growled and sat back in his seat angrily.
River and Dakota skipped out of the candy store with bags of candy. Dakota giggled as they walked out in the snow. “Best anniversary day so far right?” River asked as he pulled Dakota through the snow.
“It would be so much better if we eloped,” Dakota laughed.
“Noah can be best man, and Jake can be our minister,” River added.
“And my dad will probably be mad so Josiah will walk me down the aisle,” Dakota said.
“and you’ll look so beautiful in a white dress with traces of gold,” River said.
“At the end of the aisle will be you looking so handsome in neatly pressed suit, pinstripe of course, and we’ll say our vows,” Dakota proclaimed.
“Planning the wedding already lovebirds?” Noah asked. The couple turned their heads to see Noah dressed in his winter clothes. His black curls were kept under control with a white beanie. He wore a white winter jacket with his zipped up hoodie underneath. He looked like a panda bear, black and white. His dark hand held Parker’s who smiled at her cousin and best friend. “See, Parker and I like to take things slow. We’re buying the cake next month,” Noah teased.
River, Dakota, Noah, and Parker all sat awkwardly at the table. “So…this isn’t awkward. Just me and Noah and...I MEAN RIVER! RIVER! Because I love River and hate Noah! Because River’s my boyfriend and I love my boyfriend!” Dakota yelled.
“Uh…I love you too Dakota,” River chuckled. “You okay?”
“Just awesome!” Dakota cackled hysterically as she began to eat her noodles like a vacuum. She shoved them in her mouth faster than she could fly. River looked at her confused and then eyed Noah suspiciously who also seemed on edge.
“You know, I always wondered. Why do you and Dakota hate each other?” Parker asked Noah unknowingly, this caused Noah to freak out.
“I don’t even remember exactly! She sucks. I hate her. Parker your so great,” Noah said quickly and he went to eating his noodles like Dakota. He stopped momentarily and pointed down at his noodles. “This is good.”
“You guys are acting weird,” River said. He squinted his eyes in suspicion. He zoned in on Noah and Dakota and then a heart formed around them as it hit him. He began to scream like a maniac. “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOD LORD!”
“What?” Parker asked. River made Parker squint and the same thing River saw, she saw. She began to scream the same way. “OH MY GOOD GOD!”
“What? What is wrong with you guys?” Noah asked.
“Did you guys…did you guys go out?” River asked. Dakota and Noah went pale. Noah ran his fingers through his hair angrily.
“Shoot…they found out…” He mumbled.
River squealed in horror. “OH MY GOOD GOSH! I KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU!” River yelled as he pointed to Noah. He began to retch. “EW! I’VE TECHNICALLY KISSED NOAH! EW! EW! OH GOD!”
“And that means I kissed Dakota!” Parker shouted. “EW!”
“This is the worse double date ever and its all your fault Noah!” River hissed.
“My fault! She’s the one who seduced me back in sixth grade,” Noah shouted.
“I seduced you! You’re the one who offered me cookies!” Dakota snarled. She rubbed his hands down her waist seductively. “You know I’m a curvy girl who loves her sweets.”
“You gave Dakota cookies! How come you’ve never offered me cookies!” Parker yelled.
“Because you said that you can’t eat cookies because you’ll get fat!” Noah yelled.
“I will, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like the thought!” Parker cried.
“God, Jacksons! I swear you’re all insane psychopaths!” Noah snarled as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. He turned away from the group angrily.
“River, really its not that big of a deal,” Dakota said. “You and Parker are making a scene.”
River hissed. “Yeah well, You had you’re tongue in my best friend’s mouth,” River mumbled.
“Wow River that’s harsh,” Noah said.
“Shut up! No one asked you Noah! You had your tongue in her mouth too!” River shouted. “God I can’t believe this!”
“Calm down River it wasn’t anything serious. It was just experimentation. It was nothing to me,” Dakota said. “Besides I didn’t even know how to French kiss in sixth grade.”
Noah looked hurt. “Nothing?” He asked. He stood up angrily. “Nothing to you Dakota! Really? Why are you such a liar? You were obsessed with me! That’s why I hate you, because you haven’t told a truthful thing in your life!”
Everyone at the table stared at Noah in shock. “Oh and River, she didn’t know how to French Kiss in sixth grade, I taught her at the end of the year,” Noah said with a naughty smirk. “You’re welcome.”
The darker hair boy stomped away as everyone stared in awe.
The boys watched from the other side of the boat as Josiah nervously sat next to Aubrey. “He just needs some help. Maybe if we set the mood,” Jai said.
“Ay look, I’m on it,” Noah proclaimed as he narrowed his eyes seductively. “I know how to set the mood…Check it out…”
“Get it, Get it, Get it, Get it, Get it, Girl. Get, the get, get it, get it girl. Take her, Take her to the flow. Show her, show her, how you roll. Drop it, Drop, Drop it, Drop it low, Drop, Drop, Drop it low,” Noah sang.
“What kind of mood is he trying to set?” Mikey asked. River sighed.
“Yo Noah, a little too aggressive. I ain’t trying to hate on your creativity, but I got this one,” River proclaimed.
“Help you? Why would I help you! The man who got my girlfriend captured, started this war, and got my dad killed! What do you think my dad would do if you asked him the same question?!” Alexander snarled to Noah.
Noah grinned. “River? Oh, he’d probably punch me in the face,” Noah said, “And then he’d help me.”
Alexander grinned. “Wow, you really know my dad,” Alexander chuckled. “I’ll help you.”
“You’re afraid of Santa Claus?” Dakota asked, giggling a little bit.
“You’ll be afraid too when you think about! I mean the man sees you when your sleeping, and knows when your awake!” River proclaimed. “Think of all the times he was watching us change and stuff.”
All the teens looked freaked out now. In the background Santa Claus glared at River, and then disappeared into the shadows.
“How’d that gnome get in here?” River asked.
“I thought you or Noah put it there or something,” Kallisté proclaimed. Noah shook his head.
“I didn’t put that gnome there…” He said.
“So its agreed, we’re all sleeping with axes tonight,” River proclaimed.
“What the crap Santa Claus! I give you a plate of cookies and you freaking give me socks!” River complained. Santa hid in the doorway and chuckled to himself.
“Ho. Ho. Ho,” He laughed lowly. River turned around, thinking he heard something, but Santa Claus was gone.
“Why are you checking behind the shower curtains?” Rasputin asked Aubrey.
“Just making sure there’s no evil serial killers behind them,” Aubrey said.
“Okay…and what are you going to do when there actually is a serial killer behind the curtain?” Rasputin asked. Aubrey shrugged.
“Hmm…Non-flammable,” Noah said as he picked up a hoodie. “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!” He yelled. He looked around and lit his hand on fire. He was about to light the sweater on fire, but River knocked it out of his hands.
“No! Bad Noah,” He scolded.
Tyler and River stared questioningly at the knife and pan in front of her. “Okay, knife that can cut through anything, and unbreakable Tupperware…” She said. River nodded.
“10 dollars on the knife.”
“10 on the pan,” Tyler said.
“Let the battle begin!” River yelled as Tyler tried to cut the pan with the knife, while River cheered for the knife.
Parker watched as pretty girls walked by. She elbowed Noah. “Do you think she’s pretty?” Parker asked.
“What do you mean?” Noah asked.
“It’s a simple question Noah, do you think she’s pretty?”
“…uh…” Noah looked at the girl again. “No……”
“So you don’t think white girls are pretty?”
“NO! NO! PARKER YOU’RE GORGEOUS! I guess she’s a little pretty…” Noah proclaimed.
“So you think she’s prettier than me?!” Parker whined.
“NO! PARKER! I DIDN’T––“ Noah began as Parker stomped away. “GAH! She’s so high maintenance!”
“Kenton, if Ian had 11 boxes of chocolate, and he ate 9, what does he have left?” A teacher asked.
Kenton shrugged, with a confused face. “umm…I don’t know…type 1 diabetes?”
The girls in the class giggled. The teacher glared at him. “Kendall. If I have three bottles in one hand and five in the other, what do I have.”
“A drinking problem?”
The kids all chuckled. “Okay, if you guys want to be smart, I’ll just tell your mother.”
Tyler sat in math class as her teacher went on about a velocity problem. “Wait! Wait! Wait! If a man is falling out a building shouldn’t we be helping him instead of trying to find the velocity at which he is falling! We don’t have time for this!’ Tyler yelled. Her cell phone began to ring. She answered it. “Hello?…okay…he said what? Well he would probably have type 1 diabetes if he ate nine boxes of chocolate…okay…okay I’m coming.”
“Noah, I was looking through the lost and found and I found your jeans,” River said. Noah looked confused.
“Your point?” Noah asked.
“How did they get in there?” River asked. Noah opened his mouth, but River interrupted him, “On second thought, I don’t wanna know.”
“Aubrey, you’re paper is blank,” Tyler sighed.
“It’s not blank mom. I was painting with the colors of the wind,” Aubrey proclaimed. “You did say use your imagination.”
Tyler chuckled and ruffled Aubrey’s hair. “Such a smart girl.”
“Man! I’m late for class!” Noah said as he began to run through the hallway, KC began to run after him.
“It’s okay, I’ll cover you,” KC said. When Noah got to class, Tyler looked at him and KC angrily.
“You’re late Noah,” She said.
“We’re sorry Aunt Tyler…Platform 9 3/4 closed down early today so Noah and I thought we could make it on time if we took our dad's flying car to school, but then we got to school and the car got destroyed by the whomping willows, and that’s why he’s late to class,” KC said. Tyler giggled.
“He said whomping willows. Oh KC I love you and your mother’s British accents. Noah your excused,” Tyler said.
“Thanks Aunt Tyler!” Noah exclaimed happily, he took his usual seat next to River.
“Oh come on Aubrey,” A boy said. “Why are you being so hard to get?”
“I’ll stop being so hard to get, when you stop being so hard to want,” Aubrey hissed. She eyed her brother in the seat across from her, flirting with the two girls near him.
“Ah!” Noah yelled as the alarm clock rang loudly in his ears. “NO!”
River came in with a baseball bat, he waved it around. “What! What!” He yelled.
“Now I'll never know if I got that unicorn blood from the singing hippo! Darn you alarm clock!” He shouted angrily. River lowered his bat with a smile.
“Noah, you’ve been eating a new piece of gum every ten minutes, and I haven’t seen you spit any out. You do know they stay in your digestive system for seven years right?” River asked.
“This is my last one River, I promise,” Noah proclaimed as he put one more piece in. He and River stood there for a while, as Noah chewed. The boy slowly began to get another piece.
“Give it to me,” River said as Noah sighed and handed him the box.
Siobhan pushed Aubrey in Josiah’s arms as Josiah smiled down at her. “Hey Aubrey. We gotta stop meeting like this,” Josiah chuckled. “You’re so klutzy.”
Siobhan face-palmed herself. “Josiah! When a girl gets pushed into your arms it means she likes you!” She yelled. Aubrey blushed, Josiah looked oblivious.
“Santa’s coming soon! Santa’s coming soon!” The twins yelled. Shannon leaned down to them.
“Guys, Santa’s not real,” She said. Kenton and Kendall just glared at her.
“Neither is Edward Cullen,” They said. Shannon’s jaw dropped in horror as she fainted.
“Yeah, see Aunt Shannon,” Kenton said.
“We were less disappointed than you,” Kendall said.
Aubrey sat in Social Studies, and Tyler went on about Europe. She said something about a Euro, which caused one girl to raise her hand. “Is a Euro a sandwich?” She asked.
Aubrey made an annoyed groaning noise and glared at her. “Really?! How are you in the Seventh Grade, let alone GT?” She mumbled. She rolled around groaning. “Gah!”
“Aubrey stop being so immature!” The girl proclaimed.
Aubrey elbowed Siobhan. “…Guess whose not invited into our treehouse,” She said. The girls did the Regular Show, “OH!” laughing.
Aubrey got up in her face, “What now!” She yelled.
“Aubrey, how do you get so many boys?” Siobhan asked.
“It’s easy Siobhan…” Aubrey said. She magically transformed into her Gangsta gear. “My pokemon bring all the boys to the yard. And there like do you wanna trade cards, and I’m like, yeah I wanna trade cards. I can trade you, but not my charizard.”
Siobhan giggled.
“Noah, you’re drunk,” River proclaimed. Noah leaned against River with a drunk smile.
“You’re sexy,” Noah giggled. River rolled his eyes. She grabbed Noah’s shoulders and held him away from him.
“Noah, you’re slurring,” River said.
“I’m not slurring, I’m speaking in cursive,” Noah mumbled.
“You threw a sock at a midget and yelled ‘Be free Dobby’!” River yelled.
“I’m not that drunk,” Noah muttered.
“YOU THREW THE TWINS’ HAMSTER AND YELLED ‘Go Pikachu Go’!” River yelled.
“Oh dang, I’m pretty drunk,” Noah proclaimed.
Noah and River stood on carts on opposite ends of the Crowded Mart aisle. They both held pool noodles, and wore bike helmets. “You ready for this Noah?” River asked.
“You know it,” Noah proclaimed. Mikey and Jai got ready to push the boys carts.
“Ready,” Aubrey said. “Set. Go!”
With a strong push Noah and River were heading towards each other. Their carts crashed as they both fell off. “What the flip are you two doing?” Tyler asked.
“Jousting,” River answered, gritting his teeth a bit in pain.
“We’re in a store guys,” Tyler sighed.
“You’re one to talk mom, you’re the one playing Michael Jackson: The Experience on the Connect,” Aubrey said. Tyler looked at the Connect game on pause behind her.
“Carry on then,” She proclaimed.
“Hey River, check it,” Noah said, he slid to his knees on the snow and pretended to play the guitar. River broke off too icicles and acted out playing a drum solo. “Hey Parker, you can be our lead, wanna join?” Noah asked. Parker giggled.
“No thanks Noah, I’m enjoying myself just watching,” Parker said.
“Come on Parker,” River said. “We’ll act out playing Miracle, I know that’s your favorite song.”
“Okay maybe, but just the beginning,” Parker proclaimed. She broke off a large, fat icicle and gathered some snow. She rolled it into a ball, and put it on top of her icicle, to make it a microphone.
Parker and Dakota sat around at the bar drunk. Parker hiccupped and then laughed. She leaned closer to Dakota. “Hey…Hay Koda, you now what we going to dew today?” Parker asked.
“No, what?” Dakota asked, just as equaled drunk.
“We gonna get drunk!” Parker exclaimed as she poked Dakota in the shoulder.
“Already done that,” Dakota proclaimed.
“I’m not finish! I’m not finish! We gonna get drunk, and we gonna find some real men, unlike the pansies we have at home. We gonna find some real men, and we gonna have a good time! Just you and me…and this jug of fizzy stuff! And River, and Noah…And Noah, and…they can…they can….go, go…leave! Because, we don’t need them! I don’t need him! I’m co-leader of the Angels, I can fly! I can…I can…Dakota you’re my best friend,” Parker ranted. She then passed out, falling out of her chair in the process. Dakota laughed at her and then passed out at the bar.
River and Tyler stood in the bathroom getting ready. “River, you should start watching what you put in your mouth,” Tyler proclaimed. “You are what you eat.”
“Really. I don’t remember eating a sexy beast,” River said as he made a pose in the mirror. Tyler smacked him upside the head.
“NO!” She yelled.
“Expect the unexpected Aubrey,” River said.
“But doesn’t expecting the unexpected, make the unexpected expected?” Aubrey asked.
The siblings stood in silence for a while in confusion. “What?” River asked. Aubrey shrugged.
“Hey mom what are you doing?” River asked.
“I haven’t done anything productive in days,” Tyler hissed. River raised an eyebrow.
“Why?”
“Three days ago, I looked up Leo Baskerville so I could get more pictures of him, because I only have seven. But when I googled it, a video came up called “My Lord, Leo Baskerville”, so I clicked on it. When I went on Youtube, I saw an Elliot video, and you know how I am with Elliot. Next thing I know I’ve been on Youtube for seventy two hours straight….That website is so evil….” Tyler said.
“You’ve been staring at your computer for seventy hours straight?” River asked.
Tyler laughed hysterically. “Yeah….”
“Watch River. I’m psychic. I’m either gonna explode or ruin you and Dakota’s picnic,” Noah said. The three were silent for a while. Noah suddenly jumped on to the picnic blanket and ruined the food.
“Noah! You ruined our picnic!” Dakota yelled.
Noah sat up and did jazz hands. “Psychic…” He mumbled.
Bluey and Karsyn sat admiring Khaaliq as he talked about running from the police with JJ. Tyler walked up to the two and then looked at Khaaliq. All she could see was stupidity and lack of manliness. “I don’t see it,” She said.
“See what?” Bluey asked, breaking her trance.
“WHAT THE HECK YOU SEE IN HIM!” Tyler yelled.
“If you were in one of the bands who are in CGI and stuff, which characters would you be?” Noah asked.
“Like in the Gorrillaz or something?” Mikey asked.
“Yeah.”
“I’d be 2D for sure,” River said.
“Why? He has no eyes, they’re just black sockets…” Noah said.
“Yeah! It’s so awesome!” River exclaimed.
“It creeps the crap out of me. It reminds me of Nox when his eyes turn all black,” Noah said. Nox appeared next to Noah, his eyes glowing with blackness. He wrapped his arm around and pressed his cheek against his host.
“Creeps the crap out of you Noah?” Nox whispered seductively into Noah’s ear as the boy screamed like banshee and jumped into River’s arms with horror.
“I don’t know who’s gayer, Nox for doing that, or Noah for jumping into River’s arms,” Jai said.
“SHUT UP!” Noah yelled, still in River’s arms.
“Nox! Solis! Can you teach us how to get ladies!?” Kingston yelled as he, Jackson, and Calvin ran up to the free and roaming gods.
“Why us?” Nox asked. Calvin took in a deep breath of air, so he could tell the whole story.
“Well, we went to Uncle Eli, but he told us to go to, Anthony and KC, but they told us, to see Noah, but then he told us that he was busy and that it was time for lunch. So then we had macaroni and cheese. And then we asked Noah again, and he told us to ask Mikey and Jai, so then we asked Mikey and Jai, and they told us, to ask Uncle Prince, and then we asked Uncle Prince, who told us to ask River, and then we asked River and he told us to ask you guys!” Calvin explained.
Solis hummed with thought, “You guys have had quite the day haven’t you?”
The boys nodded.
“Well, I can’t teach you my methods of getting women, because your mothers would probably despise me afterwards, and Solis here knows nothing of flirting, so I don’t see how asking us can help you guys,” Nox said.
“Sorry boys,” Solis said with a shrug. The boys all groaned.
“Try asking a girl for some Lady advice,” Nox said.
“Why would we ask a girl, how to get a girl?” Jackson asked. Solis bent down so that he was near the same height as the boys.
“Who would know more about what a lady likes then a lady herself?” The Sun God proclaimed.
“True!” Jackson yelled.
“But who should we ask?” Calvin asked.
“A lady that a lot of men wanna get with. I would suggest one of the Clark girls,” Nox said his eyes glowing black. “Dakota and Bluey are fine looking.”
“HEY THAT’S MY MOM AND SISTER YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Kingston snarled.
“We should ask Dakota! River, Solis and Vincent all wanna be with her! She’s an expert!” Calvin said.
